Why Scotsmen wear kilts

Recent historical research has revealed why Scotsmen wear kilts. In 1317 Sandy McNab won a lady's tartan skirt in a raffle.

Two tickets

McTavish suffered a brainstorm and bought two tickets in a raffle. He won one thousand pounds. "How do you feel about your big win?" McNab asked him. "Disappointed," said McTavish, "The other ticket didn't win a thing."

Shirt and a five pound note

A Scotsman went on a week's holiday to London taking with him a shirt and a five pound note. When he returned home he hadn't changed either of them!

Scottish soccer

A Scottish soccer fan told his friend, "My dog watches all the games. When my team wins it jumps up and down and claps its paws. When we lose it somersaults." "How many somersaults?" asked his impressed friend. The soccer fan replied, "It depends how often I kick it."

Bus fares

A meeting was held in a Scottish town to protest about the fact that bus fares had been reduced. Citizens were outraged because previously they had saved twenty pence by not using the buses whereas now they were only saving fifteen pence.

Any teeth

Grandpa, have you got any teeth?" the Scots boy enquired of his grandfather. "No," the grandfather replied. "Well in that case, hold my bag of sweets while I go out and play."

Single ticket

McDougal was on his way by train from Aberdeen to Glasgow to undergo a serious heart operation. He bought a single ticket.