Robbers

Two robbers broke into a boarding house in Glasgow in search of money. A fierce struggle ensued. "We didn't do too badly," said one of them afterwards. "We came out with twenty pounds." "But we had fifty when we went in," complained the other.

Good Samaritan

The Scottish minister was preaching on the parable of the Good Samaritan. He felt he had better explain to his congregation why the priest had passed the victim by. "And why do you think the priest passed him by?" he asked the congregation rhetorically. "Because he saw that the man had already been robbed," came a voice from the back row.

Taxi ride

A Scotsman took a girl for a taxi ride. She was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eyes on the meter.

Girl born on February 29

And then there was the Scotsman who married a girl born on February 29 so he'd only have to buy her a birthday present every four years.

Scottish baker

There was a Scottish baker who tried to economise by making a bigger hole in his doughnuts. He discovered, though, that the bigger the hole, the more dough it took to go round it.

Strangest Scottish accent

"Where do you come from?" the Scotsman asked an American. "From the greatest country in the world," replied the American. "Funny," said the Scotsman, "you've got the strangest Scottish accent I've ever heard."

Cure for sea sickness

The Scots have found an infallible cure for sea sickness: Lean over the side of the ship with a ten pence coin in your mouth.